No point.. Just typing

1) I love game nights. I have more fun sitting around in my comfy clothes playing board games all night than I do "going out". I guess this makes me weird and not your typical college student, but I'm okay with it. I'm proud to be a grandma!

2) Sometimes I do weird things. For instance, today I was watching a little bit of TV and a commercial came on for the "Glee Project" .. I have never watched glee, nor do I ever plan to.. But I got online and looked at these online audition videos. I temporarily went insane and thought "I'm just going to submit a video audition and see what happens" (really Anna? what the heck)... So I got out my handy dandy iPhone, chose the song "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz from their list of song options. I then proceeded to record myself singing my very best version of this song.. (and actually thought oh wow this sounds pretty good!) .. Then I played it back. And laughed. Alot. Thank goodness I came to my senses before I actually put that out there. I looked and sounded like a FOOL! Sometimes I wonder why I do these things.. Random.

3) Last night I gave a shot to a hot dog. We practiced giving shots at school on dummies all day, and she suggested we practice on oranges and hot dogs at home. So what is the first thing I did when I got home? I checked to see if we had any hot dogs, and sure enough we did! So I got my big bag of needles and syringes and my vial of fake medicine (actually "sterile water") and prepared Mr. Oscar Meyer for his shot. My mom was standing there and got so excited when I told her what I was about to do. My goal was to make a "bleb" (like a mosquito bite) right under the skin of Mr. Meyer. Josh left the room right when I pulled the needle out of my bag. Chicken. I then proceeded to draw up the medicine and give the shot, then my mom and I cheered about the "pretty bleb"  I made on this hot dog. We then put my medical hot dog in a special place in the fridge so no one would eat it. I got distracted and went back to my room and a few minutes later heard my mom yelling "Anna! You left your needles on the counter! Don't leave those sitting around the house!" .. Only in the home of a nursing student would you get in trouble for "leaving your needles lying around" (or I guess in the home of a drug addict...? oh gosh, I don't know) Again, random.

Hmm.. I think I'm done now. I got on the computer to do some modules for my Fundamentals class but decided I wanted to write a blog. So here you go. Random. Pointless. Oh well.

:)

Nag Nag Nag...

I have been SO stinking critical lately..

I don't know what my problem is..

It started about 2 months ago. I have something to say about everyone and everything they do, and 9 times out of 10 it's something negative. Who am I to judge? Who am I to stick my nose up at them and act as if I know any better than they do? We had a lesson on Sunday morning about not judging, and it got all over me. I've been spending more time looking at others and what they are doing "wrong" and less time evaluating my own life... And I've spent more energy criticizing the way things are at church and school and home and hardly any energy encouraging and lifting others up. This is NOT the attitude of Christ. This is not who I am supposed to be.

I've been a really crummy representation of my Savior recently. I don't always act out and judge harshly. I do get things right and live in obedience to Christ sometimes. But these times are way less often than the times when I just seem to blow it.

Thankfully, the love God has for me is not based on my actions. There is nothing I could ever do to make Him love me any more or any less. He chose to love me, draw me to Himself, and rescue me based completely on His kindness; it had nothing to do with me. Thank you Lord!!!

...BUT this does not excuse my yucky attitude lately. So what do I do?

My prayer is that Jesus will correct me through His Holy Spirit when I start saying or thinking these negative things. That He will give me that sting of conviction, and that I will listen and obey in response. Maybe that's my issue. I know the Spirit has been convicting me as I get worse and worse, but my response is usually complete ignorance. So no more!! Of course there will always be slip up moments.. None of us are perfect.. But I will start consciously thinking about my thoughts, attitudes, and actions.. I will start comparing them to the person of Jesus and say (this is corny... get ready...) "What would Jesus do?" .. or "What would be my reaction if Jesus were sitting right next to me?" (Which HELLO, He is right next to me! He is everywhere!)

Jesus sees all that I say, all that I think, and all that I do. God knows these things before I even do them. So why not make an effort, through the strength of Christ, to start being better? To put forth the energy and time it takes to change a bad habit.. Not so God will love me more or see me as any better than He sees me today.. But so I can glorify Him and so I can be the woman He has called me to be. All for His purpose and His glory!

It's time to start obeying this verse in every single moment of life:

"Everything you say or do should be done in the name of Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

What are you doing in the name of Jesus today??

It's time for an update

I don't really have anything in mind to say for this blog post.. But I haven't posted in a while, so I decided I'd just start typing and see what comes out.

First thing on my mind: Thank you Lord for letting me get so much wedding planning done during the summer before nursing school started!! I was able to reserve our wedding/reception location, find and purchase my dream wedding dress, reserve our wedding date with Trisha Brinkley Photography, find an awesome DJ and florist, and have a caterer in mind. There is still a good bit left to do, but I have so much done already. God has allowed everything to fall into place perfectly so far, and for that I am so grateful!

And then there was Nursing School. I am halfway through my second week, and literally every moment of every day has to be planned out. I now live by my planner because if I don't, something won't get done and I'll be in trouble. It is hectic, it is scary, the reading and studying never seems to end, and it only gets crazier as the semester  goes on! Yet... I. LOVE. IT. So far, I have no doubt at all that the Lord has called me to be a Nurse. I feel in my element when I'm there. Although lectures are long, and we've had more "orientation" classes than I believed were necessary, I just love it!

Here is an example... Monday I had two clinical labs in a row. During my first lab, we went to "Charger Hospital" where we learned and practiced how to properly wash our hands, and how to dress for standard precautions and isolation situations. We had to put on a gown, mask, eyewear, and gloves in case of "bodily fluid splashes" (sounds fun, right?!) My instructor put hot sauce all over our gloves so we could practice taking off dirty gloves without touching any of the "icky" material on them.. We also practiced how to properly clean up barf.. She poured fake vomit in little piles all over the room and we practiced cleaning it up.. (only in Nursing School.. ha!) Then in my next lab, we had validation on vital signs.. So for an hour, my lab partner and I practiced checking eachother's blood pressures, heart and respiratory rates, and tempertaure. Then we performed it in front of our lab instructor to ensure we were doing in correctly (and we both passed. YES!)

I felt like a little kid on a field trip for the entire afternoon. How silly is that? Not many people would get excited about cleaning up fake puke or practicing checking blood pressures on everyone in sight (including the lab dummies).. But it's what I am supposed to do. I couldn't be any happier.

Is it hard? Yes.

Is it scary? More than you know.

Do I feel overwhelmed? All the time.

Is there too much reading? Um, YEA!

But do I love it? Yes.

I fee like this is "my calling".. And I know that sounds corny, but I don't know how else to put it. I pray God continues to carry me through and keep me calm even when it seems impossible. He will get the glory for whatever happens!!

In the Middle..

I feel like I'm in the middle of two giant mountains...

On one side of me, there is my past.. And on the other side, my future.

And right now I'm just sitting in the middle. 

The past two years have been full of planning for college, decorating dorm rooms, meeting and building relationships with roommates, getting involved and finding some of the most wonderful friendships I've ever had in my church college group, learning what it means to truly have a relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ, going on my first out of country mission trip to Rwanda, Africa, learning how to budget my money and be responsible, becoming my own person, growing up and figuring out how to stand on my own two feet (I'm still in the process of learning that one)

As I look back on my first two years of college, I have so many mixed emotions. I smile because there are so. many. GREAT. memories. Then I want to cry because that chapter of my life has come to a close. I won't ever live in a dorm room again. I won't be experiencing the crazy ups and downs of dorm-life and living with a roommate anymore. I won't ever be the "new kid" at school again (which I don't really mind). I won't ever be in the "easy A" classes like speech or music appreciation again. I never have to take a history or english course again (another one that I don't mind). Those are all things I have experienced. Past tense. And it just seems so weird.

I am about to start Nursing School. I am a Junior in college. I am getting married in one year. I have to grow up. I have to learn how to take care of people and diagnose their diseases. I have to give shots and change bandages and assist in surgeries. I may be helping deliver babies, or take care of critical care patients in an ICU. I have to learn how to cook.. And not just microwave some chicken or pop in a pizza, but really cook a good healthy meal. I have to learn how to sew on a button and iron clothes. I have to learn how to plant and take care of a garden without killing everything in it. I have to learn how to be a NURSE and a WIFE. Oh my goodness!!!!

Looking forward, the future is so so so exciting. I'm not sad about growing up or moving on with my life. It's just starting to hit me. This will be my last Christmas as a "kid" at home. I could be cooking my own Thanksgiving meal next year (although not likely, it still seems crazy!). Josh and I will be our own family next year. I will be a Nurse in two years. In the real world. With a real job. No teachers or "help". No fake  nursing scenarios. Life really is moving on and I really am growing up. Not just playing house or pretending to be a doctor.. This is the real deal!

But right now, I have one month. No school. No job. I do have wedding plans to think about, but nothing to really start on for at least another month or two. So here I sit. In the middle of my past and my future. Remembering so many sweet times, and looking forward to what may be. So I don't really know what to do with this month. I'm thinking about getting a little job or maybe volunteering at the Ark Animal Shelter. I'm not really sure. God will have the ultimate say-so. I think this will be a great preparation time before the madness of Nursing School and wedding plans really start. Just a sweet time for me to grow more in love with my Abba Father. To let HIM prepare my heart for these future events. So HE can make me into the wife and nurse that HE wants me to be. For HIS glory.

This blog won't have much of a conclusion.. Just had all of that on my mind and thought it would help to get it out. Maybe someone out there knows what I'm going through. A mixture of deep sadness over truly growing up, yet inexplicable happiness about becoming the woman God wants me to be.

Please be in prayer for me during this time. I'd really appreciate it. =]

"I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope"

--Jeremiah 29:11

Rwanda- Part Two

This Rwanda update is late, and I'm really sorry about that.. Life has been crazy, busy, and absolutely wonderful-- I'll have to update about all that another time. =]

Alright, where was I? Oh yes. Day one in Kibavu, Rwanda! The building we arrived at was not your typical "church". It was a small home made of wood with blue shudders, a blue door, and a tin roof. This was one of the nicest buildings in the village. Many people were crowded outside of the church; most of the adults sat on long hand-made benches, the children sat on the grassy front yard of the church, and we sat in wooden chairs that had backs built on them (only the very nicest chairs have backs on them.. they would probably be equivalent to our American Lazy-Boy recliners). We started out with a wonderful time of worship. The people danced and smiled.. Waved their hands in the air and jumped up and down for Jesus. They had so much joy. I believe this was one of the first times I've seen true, unbridled, untamed, unashamed, heart-felt worship of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.. I have to imagine that is ALOT what heaven will look like.

After worship, Carrie presented the Evangecube to the crowd. An Evangecube is how we share Jesus with people in Rwanda (and in other countries as well). Most of these people cannot read, so they learn through stories. The Evangecube presents the Word of God in a story form with pictures. If you would like to learn more about this or see how it works, go to www.simplyshareJesus.com. Next, I shared my testimony with the crowd gathered at the church (a crowd that had at least doubled in size since we began worship). After this, Alex asked if anyone would like to accept Jesus as their Savior. He did not ask everyone to close their eyes so the ones who wanted to profess faith wouldn't feel "embarrassed"... He didn't make promises not to "call them out" in front of everyone.. No. He said "if you want to accept Jesus, stand up and walk to the front!" Let me tell you, those people were PROUD to walk forward and say "I WANT TO KNOW JESUS!" They were beaming with joy and pride that they could know the Savior of the world, His forgiveness, His love.

I just wonder why so many times we have to make those "we won't embarrass you" promises.. Why do we have to coax people out of their seats to respond? Why is it so hard to get someone to raise their hand when no one is even looking around? Why are we not running from our seats, joyfully celebrating the fact that we are given the free gift of salvation, graciously and mercifully saved from an eternal Hell? Do we not get the reality of that truth? Do we just not get it? I don't know the answer to those questions.. I've even felt that fear of embarrassment.. But it just makes me wonder...

Back to Rwanda.. We trained teams that first afternoon on how to share the Evangecube, and we gave them their own Evangestrips. These were just like the Evangecube except they're more like bookmarks. We then divided everyone into teams, each team equipped with at least one Evangestrip and "response cards" and we sent them out in different directions around the village (each North American on their own witnessing team with their ministry partner/translator). So Carrie and I went opposite directions down the road.. That was a little unnerving, but not as much as what would come next. Children ran all around me down the dirt path, many grabbing my fingers or touching my skirt or arm. They would laugh almost every time I made eye contact with them. So so so precious.

We came up to a small compound of about five mud huts. In the center, a man had carried out two long benches from his home. I sat down on the bench and 7 or so adult Rwandans gathered around, and a few children as well. Then Enock looked at me and said "Okay, they really want to hear from you. Please share your testimony and the Evangecube" .. This was it. My first Gospel presentation. I said a quick prayer, and the Holy Spirit took over from there. I don't remember what I said, but I do remember feeling like it just poured out. I said things that I didn't plan on saying.. Things that I believe the Holy Spirit prompted me to say. It began raining in the middle of the Evangecube presentation, and in Rwanda, when it rains you don't just sit out in it. You go into the nearest mud hut. You don't have to know whose hut it is, you just go inside. So we gathered around the small mud hut, and our group of 7 had doubled to 14 at least. People kept piling in seeking shelter from the rain. (A funny note: many people came rushing in like it was no big deal, then they looked my direction.. The look on their faces when they saw a white person sitting in a mud hut in their village was so funny!.. It's unheard of for a "muzungu" to come to your village, much less inside of your hut! They would almost jump back from surprise.) Well, I re-started the Evangecube from the beginning, and almost every single adult in that hut accepted Jesus as their Savior! I could hardly believe it! Here is a picture of this sweet group of people:

The days following this were much the same. We would arrive at the church and have a wonderful worship service (the BEST way to start the day in the village).. Then we would divide in teams and go out witnessing. As the second and third day came around, we let the nationals begin sharing on their own. Nationals are people who live in the village; they volunteer to lead a group around the village so we don't get lost. My national's name was Anastasia, and though we spoke different languages, I felt as if she was my sister by the end of the week. I miss her so much. This is a picture of Anastasia sharing her faith with a friend (who chose to accept Jesus by the way!! YAY)

Another thing we did was go to homes and have "I am SECOND" groups. These people did not know they could participate in a Bible study. Many think you must be a pastor to pray or talk about the Bible. They were so excited when we would read a passage and the ask "What do YOU think this means? What do you think this tells you about God?" Their eyes would light up, and they would give the deepest, most sincere answers. It just showed me that the Spirit is the only Teacher. These people who had heard about Jesus for the FIRST time were giving answers that were more "spiritual" than anything I was saying. Amazing. This next photo is of a woman who we had a SECOND group with. She has seven children (some of them photographed). She told me that the witchdoctors killed her husband, and cut off both of her eldest son's legs. Not only this, but her youngest son has a mental disability. This woman was left alone to raise seven children, one legless and one with mental issues, yet she still told me that God loves her and takes care of her. Wow, and I question God's love when I have a "bad day" ... Unshakable faith is the only words I can think of to describe this precious woman (she is the one to the left. The woman in red is Anastasia, my national).

There are so many more stories I could tell from Rwanda. So many neat experiences. God revealed Himself in more ways than I could ever type out. He is so good and so faithful.

All I can say is this.... When you feel a calling to go somewhere, GO. Look into it. God called me to Africa during the Go Serve celebration at Jackson Way. There were no trips to Africa being presented, but I knew that was where I was supposed to go. And four months later, I was in Rwanda.. Preaching His Holy Word through the strength of the Spirit in mud huts. WOW! Glory to the Father :)

We are all commanded to GO and share God's Word and the story of Jesus, but God can lead you to a specific place. Keep your heart open and listen to Him. Even when it doesn't make sense, even when it seems impossible.. God is greater than circumstance, and He will supply.

Rwanda- Part One

Rwanda, Africa. I am forever changed. Let's see if I can put into words a description of my trip. It all began on a Tuesday night. My parents and Josh dropped me off at the airport and I said my goodbyes. (Which wasn't easy, but the Spirit gave me strength and peace). We flew to Washington DC and stayed the night there. We met the rest of our team at the airport on Wednesday morning, and all of us boarded the Ethiopian plane. Ready to go. I couldn't believe I was about to fly 12-15 hours and thousands of miles away from home to another country across the world. Say what?! Yea, I thought I'd lost my mind.. Little did I know, this wouldn't be the last time I would question my sanity on this journey...

I spent the first part of the plane ride watching movies, listening to music, journaling, praying and reading my Bible.. I had talked to some of my team mates (almost all of whom had been on mission before), and they were all so fired up and so confident. I began saying things like "I am so under-prepared! I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to make a fool of myself. I am not ready for this". Mary, Pam, and Jeri encouraged me by saying that the Holy Spirit would provide all I needed, but I've never had to rely on the Spirit in that way before. I always think I "have it under control".. As I began to freak out even more over the fear of failing miserably in Rwanda, I opened my Bible to John 20. I read about when Jesus re-appeared to the group of disciples, and there was doubting Thomas.. He was doubting (duh) that Jesus was REALLY alive.. Then in verse 27 Jesus told Thomas "Put your finger here, and look at my hands. Take your hand, and put it into my side.

Stop doubting, and believe." 

It felt as if Jesus was sitting right there with me on the plane. Like He took my hand, looked me in the eye and said Anna, I. Am. Here. For. You. What a moment that was. Even thinking of it now makes my heart swell with love and joy. After this, I decided to try and sleep since it was dark out (finally).

Then came the migraine. The worst migraine I've had in at least 6 months. And of course, along with the migraine came the sickness. I had the window seat and two Ethiopian girls were sitting next to me. I did not know these girls, but by the time the plane landed they were handing me wet towels, patting me on the back, and had even donated their little white barf bags to the poor sick girl. Gross. Yet even in this moment of horrible sickness, after my sweet time with Jesus a few hours before, I felt peace. I knew I was supposed to be there. I knew I was right in the center of God's will. The sickness did not shake me, and I have God to thank for that; I can say that was the provision of the Holy Spirit.

We had one more plane ride to Kigali, Rwanda. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel! We arrived (and amazingly so did ALL of our luggage), and headed to the Genocide Memorial. Wow, that was a cold awakening. The people of Rwanda lost approximately ONE MILLION people in the course of 100 days. Can you imagine it? It sounds like the most horrific, terrible nightmare anyone could think of. This country needs the restoration and healing that only the name and person of Jesus Christ can bring. After touring the memorial, we headed to our hotel for the night in Kigali. We shopped in Kigali on Friday morning then headed out to Gisenyi where we would be serving for the rest of the week.

In Gisenyi, we met our mission point teams for the week. The mission point team consisted of two North Americans and two ministry partners. The ministry partners are trained through e3 Rwanda, and they are our translators for the week. They are amazing and SUCH a blessing to work with! The North American I worked with was Carrie (from Oregon), and our ministry partners were Enock and Alex. We were mission point NUMBER ONE! Yea! Our village was in Kibavu, Rwanda. These three people were like family by the end of the week and I miss them all so much! The next morning it was game on. This was the day I would go to an African village and share the Gospel. Yea, I was freaking out that Saturday morning. We started with a large worship service, I am SECOND groups, and breakfast at the hotel.. Then it was time to load up in the vans and go. There were two mission point teams per van. We headed out first down a paved road through a few towns.. Then about 30 minutes later, we turned off onto an extremely rocky, muddy, rough road.. This was the road we traveled for about an hour. We went through many villages.. I began hearing "MUZUNGU!!" alot, and Betty, a minstry partner, informed me that this meant "white person". So the children would chase our van yelling muzungu!, begging for money and water bottles.. People would stare and point when they saw us drive by.. Some would laugh, and some small children would cry because they were afraid.. Most of these people had never seen a white person before.. Crazy, huh? This was another moment I questioned my sanity for going on this mission trip.. I was getting so nervous..

As we drove through these villages, we turned down many "roads".. We drove up and down some really steep hills, slid around in the mud quite a bit, and I remember asking Betty at least ten times "Does this guy know where he's going??" She ensured me that he did, although I couldn't speak his language and had no clue what was really going on.. Then we arrived at a village church.. I felt relief because I thought we were finally there, but nope.. It was the other team's mission site. So we let them out of the van, and then it was Me and Carrie with Enock Alex and the van driver.. I got even more nervous now.. I didn't really know any of these people.. And again I questioned "What am I doing here!?!?" We drove another 20 minutes or so and finally arrived at a small house. There was a large crowd outside, and they were all singing and dancing. Enock translated that they were saying how thankful they were for "the visitors" and how they had prayed for us to come for so long. This is when I knew I was supposed to be in Kibavu, Rwanda. God willed for me to be in this tiny village in the middle of nowhere Rwanda, in AFRICA.. I would have never guessed this would be happening to me. I never thought I would be about to preach the gospel "mud hut to mud hut". God knew. And He assured in my heart right then that He was in control and He had a big plan for our mission point team in Kibavu, and our whole mission team overall in Rwanda (and the Congo).

Wow, this is already pretty long. I think I will make this a two-part blog. =]

So there is part one. I will do my best to get a part two up later this week.

Imana ishimwe cane!!
("God is good!")

No Words...

I don't even know how to begin this blog entry. The past two days have been indescribable; no blog entry could ever explain. My heart is breaking for my home state.. At least 149  tornadoes touched down in Alabama, ALL in one day. The death toll seems to rise every minute. 238 people, as of tonight, lost their lives on Wednesday. 238 mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, children... I never imagined such a thing would happen here, and I have to admit that I don't understand why. God does not have to "explain" Himself to me, I know that.. And I trust He is in control even when I don't get it.

Events like this are a huge wake up call. It shows me how fragile and weak I truly am. I walk around like I'm in control... Like I have some sort of "right" or "say so" before an Almighty God who controls the entire universe. Who am I to say "no" to God? Who am I to decide when I will (or will not) obey Him? Who am I to do anything but surrender all that I am to my God and my Savior? I am nothing. I am no one. He is awesome. He is mighty. He is in control of it all. And for some reason, He chose me, He loved me, and He saved me.

"Our God is greater, Our God is stronger.. God you are HIGHER than any other. Our God is Healer, AWESOME in power. Our God. Our God."

Terrible Twos...

God has moved in my life more over the past 3 months than ever before. He has grown me and changed me and opened my eyes to so many things. He has convicted me and brought me to some really tough decisions... But I have been SO frustrated with myself lately.. Especially today... Maybe it's a funk from the weather, I don't know.

I feel like I am no longer a "spiritual newborn"... I don't feel like God spoon-feeds me anymore. I don't feel like God is patting me on the back and showing me all the feely-good happy Christianity stuff anymore. Not all of the "oh look how much God loves me" emotions.. Instead, He has started putting some really tough things in front of me. He is bringing me to the hard stuff. And I feel like I am falling flat on my face.

To continue with the childhood analogy.. It is good news that I'm no longer a newborn. This means I have started growing and maturing in my faith. I am further now than I was at the beginning of 2011. MUCH further. But now I feel like I am at the "terrible twos" age. The age where I will look my Abba Father, my Creator in the face and say "No." I do things that I know are wrong. I mess up. I see the temptation coming and instead of running away, I catch myself running straight towards it. What is this? Why am I doing this? I know these things are wrong. I know this isn't who I really want to be. I know my Father doesn't approve. Yet I do it anyways.

I am a Terrible Two.

I know there is always forgiveness. I know every single Jesus follower on this planet messes up. I know I am not condemned because of my mistakes. I know I am covered, fully, no matter what by the blood of Jesus. I know God doesn't expect perfection from me. But I can't help looking at myself and seeing how rebellious I am. How sinful I am. How absolutely unworthy I am of the calling God has given me to spread the His glory to the ends of the Earth.

Why me God? Why do you choose to use a Terrible Two who disobeys and can't seem to learn a lesson? Why place such a high calling on someone who You already KNOW is going to fall short?

And then it hits me..
So YOU get the glory. So I have to lean on YOU for  the strength. So I have to lean on my Savior, JESUS CHRIST for the forgiveness. So I realize how unholy I am, and how infinitely and indescribably Holy YOU are. So I realize that I can never, ever be the person You call me to be. No matter how hard I may try. Not without Jesus holding my hand and the Holy Spirit continually chipping away at the old "me" and replacing it with YOU. I can't do it without You. I can't do anything without You.

This is the place I believe God wants me. I am still going to be a stubborn, stupid sinner. I am still going to fall short. I am still going to say "No" at times. I am still a Terrible Two. BUT I am a Terrible Two who has been saved and forever forgiven by a miraculous Savior. I am a Terrible Two who has a Creator that will never give up on me. I am a Terrible Two who is learning just how terrible I really am, but just how powerful my God is.

God, You can do anything. Even take a Terrible Two and make her into someone whose life is Beautiful in Your eyes. Not because of perfection, not because she never falls, but because she seeks You, she depends on You, and she realizes that she is nothing without her Abba Father, without her Jesus.

A new beginning

This time in my life is unpredictable, crazy, hard, and exciting all at the same time. I am headed on mission to Rwanda, Africa in less than 2 months, I am waiting on a response from my Nursing School application, I am moving back home in May and not living on campus next year, My roommate of two years is moving back to New Jersey for good, My boyfriend just moved out on his own, Old friends are graduating from college, getting engaged or married, having children... It feels like my world is spinning 1000 miles per hour and I'm having a hard time keeping up. Things are changing, and they are changing very quickly. Nothing seems simple anymore. Not that this is a bad thing, it's all really exciting... Just different. And scary.

God has absolutely rocked my world since Passion 2011 in January. I was baptized January 25, 2011 and I am, for the first time, learning what it means to have a true relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm going through the book Radical with my church, Jackson Way. It is changing my life and challenging me in ways I never imagined. What I have learned about being a "Christian" my whole life is wrong. Following Jesus demands radical abandonment of myself, my dreams, and my plans followed by radical and immediate obedience to my Father's will at all times. This is a whole new way of thinking, and it is extremely hard to change the way I have thought and acted for so long. I know the Spirit will continue challenging me and changing me, but this "new beginning" has proved to be the biggest struggle I've faced so far in my 19 years of life.

I am becoming desperate for a deeper, stronger relationship with Jesus. I fall every single day, every single moment.. But He picks me back up, dusts me off, and gives me the strength to try again. God is good, His love is enough, and it's time I took Him seriously and gave my entire heart and life to Him.

I don't know what lies ahead for me, but I know God has control of it 

and I know He will work it out for the very best. 

Romans 8:28 "We know that in ALL things, God works for the good of 

those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose"