Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Just Hush

I've just been thinking, no actually I've been talking a whole lot lately.. And this is the place I've landed...

I really need to learn how to shut my mouth. I don't consider myself a gossip; the first thing they teach you in nursing school is how to keep a secret. That isn't my problem. My problem is talking issues or situations to death. I want to figure everything out & I want to do it right now. So I talk. And I talk some more. And a little more. As if the more I talk around a subject, the closer I will come to figuring it our or finding some sort of solution. Ask Josh, he will tell you how ridiculous I can be with this.

It never works... So why do I continue to do it? I guess I have a really hard time accepting that life happens day-by-day, and sometimes issues take days, months, years to resolve. I could talk for days on end, but it isn't going to speed up time.. I've got to learn how to REST in the Lord. He sees the future. He knows how everything is going to turn out. And HE will provide everything I need to know or do as the time comes. Not right now. But in His timing. See, I know this truth in my head.. But I'm still learning it in my heart.

He is growing me & teaching me every day, but this is the issue that is heaviest on my heart right now. So I'm done talking. There are a million different things going on & a million different viewpoints and opinions about all of it.. But I'm not taking part in the discussion anymore. I'm just going to do what Psalm 46:10 commands: "Be STILL and know that I am God"

Lord help me because in 5 more minutes my mind & my mouth are gonna start running again.. But I know this is what You are asking of me & teaching me today.

Just Hush.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Reflection.

So I haven't blogged since September. I'm feeling the need to just reflect over the past few months. Let's see..

Right before Thanksgiving break, my mom texted me with a picture of some puppies and said "a lady at my work has free lab puppies if you and Josh are interested." Okay, what? My mom never encourages the acquiring of animals. We already had two dogs at the time; I couldn't believe she even told me about this. So, I forwarded the message to Josh, and he responded with "I think that would be a good idea, when can we see the puppies?" Okay, seriously? Josh has always been the rational one in our relationship. I am constantly finding things I want to get into.. I dive in head first without even looking. Josh doesn't; He thinks it through. He thinks of all the pros and cons. And he usually gives me a good ol "you're crazy. just slow down!" wake-up call. But not this time. He actually thought we could get a puppy! YAY.

So we went to my mom's office where the puppies were. There was only one girl there, and she chose us. We decided on the name Molly. At the time, she was only 3 weeks old so we couldn't take her home yet. We said our goodbyes and planned to get her ASAP. Over the next few weeks Josh and I went to PetsMart, bought puppy supplies, and even bought a Labrador Puppy book & read every page in it (which for me is really unusual). We were ready... Or so we thought.

Okay- break in the puppy story. We decided school needed to be completely finished for the semester before we got the puppy.. So finals came along. Oh boy. Talk about stress. I haven't ever been so nervous or studied so hard for anything before. I abandoned my social life and quite alot of sleep, but the Lord carried me through those days and brought me in one piece to the end of the semester (which I honestly thought was NEVER going to come). I came out with my 4.0 in-tact (booya!) and felt really confident but so in need of rest. -- Yea, I wanted rest.. yet I planned to get a puppy. HA. Didn't know what was coming for me.

School ended on a Wednesday afternoon. I went to the spa that day and used a giftcard Josh bought me for my birthday; it was absolutely wonderful. (BlueMed Spa is THE  place! Let me tell ya..) Anyways; Thursday came. My first official day of break. And what did I do? Got my wisdom teeth out. Oh yea, lots of fun. So I spent that day resting & listening to my stomach growl because I couldn't eat anything that wasn't completely squishy (that brought back disturbing memories from meal time at the nursing home--ick). Then came Friday. The second day of break. My mouth was feeling much better, and we decided it was time to get our sweet puppy.

And so began the potty-training, puppy chasing, carpet cleaning, crate training, and sleepless nights.. Rest? What is rest? I love that puppy with all my heart, but getting her at 5 weeks old was NOT the smartest thing I've ever done. The first three weeks with her were a nightmare and I wouldn't re-live them for anything to be honest. At the same time, our 2 year old Shizu, Piper, got sick. She stopped eating on Thursday, and we took her to the vet on Saturday morning (we also took Molly that day because she was pooping and puking worms. Fun). Piper had always been a "sickly" dog, but never like this. She stayed at the vet for a full week because we didn't have the equipment to take care of her at home, but we were finally able to bring her home for a night. She started to perk up and the vet had high hopes for her. Then she crashed again. This time, he didnt think she was going to get better. After a few days of testing, she was diagnosed with kidney failure & we had to make a really hard decision.. But we all agreed it was best for her even though we selfishly wanted to keep her here with us. We knew she would be better off in puppy heaven (maybe I'm dumb, but I totally believe in some kind of place like that..)

This all came to a close the day before Christmas Eve. Molly was better from her worms and had started sleeping through the night, but we were all so sad about losing Piper. This is when I see the Lord's hand involved intricately in our lives. Why did my mom feel the need to tell me about the free lab puppies? Why did Josh also seem to think it was a good idea? Why did it all work out so perfectly? We had no clue we were going to lose Piper. She was fine one week, and gone two weeks later. BUT the Lord knew what our family was headed towards, and that's why I think we have Molly. She is hilarious and fun and so sweet. She bites everyone and everything, she never stops chewing (which the Lab book warned me about), but she always has us smiling or laughing. I don't know what we would've done without her over the month of December, but I'm really thankful everything worked out the way it did. We still miss our little Piper of course, but we all love little Molly too. :)

Wow, I have alot more to say than I realized. Okay so then Christmas came & was a fun, special time with my family and Josh's family. His sister got engaged-- Yay! The week after Christmas I got my bridesmaids together and we picked a dress for them & everyone loved it, another yay! Then New Years came and was lots of fun.

THEN Passion 2012 at the Dome! What an awesome experience that was. Last year God really shook me up about missions; He moved in a loud, mighty, powerful way in my life. This year was different. He moved in small, still ways. The worship was great and the speakers were moving, but it was a really different experience. He taught me alot about trusting & resting in Him at all times. I stress out over details. Who am I going to sit with or ride with or room with or be in community groups with etc etc .. But I prayed for weeks before about this issue and asked Him to help me just trust that He is in control & would work things out. And He did it! Everything worked out more perfectly than I could've ever planned. He knows what is best and He took care of it without me doing a single thing or worrying for a second (why is it so hard for me to see that the Creator of the universe has my tiny life under control?) Great great great lessons for my life that I'm still applying today-- VERY thankful.

There were lots more moving moments at passion, but thats what has really stuck with me.

So now I'm back in school. Already feeling overwhelmed. Already wanting to walk away from it and say forget it. Sometimes I don't think being a nurse is worth the extreme stress & pressure they put you through in school. And it doesn't end when you graduate either. It never really stops. But for now, this is where God has me. SO I need to suck it up and TRUST that He is going to bring me through and give me what I need to do this.

Well, Molly is crying-- she is probably stuck under the porch. Again. Oh goodness.
Guess thats all I've got to say today-- =]