Monday, June 4, 2012

Less than 100..

I'm getting married in 68 days. Yep, 68. I'm super super excited, but I'm honestly pretty scared too. The past year has been full of butterflies, smiles, and excitement.. Not that this time isn't also filled with those things, but there are also little whispers of anxiety, nervousness, and pre-wedding jitters. None of those negative feelings have anything to do with the man I'm engaged to. I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life-- he is the one God prepared for me since the beginning of time and God Himself has brought us together. I'm more afraid of the fact that I am about to be a wife. I won't be living at home where mom and dad take care of things anymore. Josh and I will become our own family. We will have each other. We will become each other's first priority. He will be responsible for taking care of me, and I will be responsible for humbly serving him. That sounds so weird. Our society puts such a negative spin on women serving their husbands... but I'm not afraid to say that I will be a servant to my husband. Not a slave. A servant. Just like I am a servant to Christ. I will do it out of love for my husband. And on the days that I don't feel like being a humble servant, I will do it because my Abba Father in Heaven commands me to do it. My parents have set a beautiful example for me on what a Christ-centered marriage looks like, and they give me hope. In a society that is ravaged with divorce and infidelity (two terrifying words), it is becoming more and more rare to find couples who are each other's first marriage; each other's first love. Not that people who have been divorced are forever shunned and horrible- that's not at all what I'm saying. But when I look at Josh, I look at the man that I plan to spend every single breath I have on this earth with. He will forever more be a part of my life. I look back on the past 6 years and feel impressed with "how long we have been together" ... 6 years aint nothing in a marriage. In 6 years you're still in the honeymoon phasse. Okay, not really. But still. That's a baby number compared to 25.. 45.. 50 years of marriage. AH! Okay yea, moments like these are where those jitters come in. Because I sometimes wonder.. How can I vow before God and my loved ones to love one person forever. For longer than I've even been alive. BUT I remember that God is the one who designed marriage. He invented it! He is on our side. And as long as Josh and I are in tune with him personally first and as a couple second, He will give us the love we need for each other. He will provide strength in moments of weakness, patience in moments of anger, and peace in times of struggle that will inevitably come.

I am thankful for the fact that Josh and I don't have to fully rely on our emotions for each other to make our marriage work. Because I've heard from married couples, "you're not always gonna FEEL like loving him".. Fact is, we are humans, and our emotions are not always good. They are not always reliable or trustworthy. Josh and I are relying on an UNFAILING, NEVER FADING God who loves us & promises to give us all that we need in Him. And he never ever breaks His promises. We get to lay our marriage at HIS feet & trust him to take care of it. Thank you thank you thank you, Jesus. I don't know how anyone could expect a marriage to work without Him. We need the love of Jesus to teach us how to correctly love one another. Or at least I do. Cause really, on my own, I'm a dirty yucky selfish person & that isn't going to be good for my marriage. I need my Jesus to make me into the woman I am called to be for Josh, as his wife.

Thank you Jesus for not sending us into this adventure alone. You are right here. At the forefront and center. Help us to keep it that way forever.

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